Colby Halderman was especially skilled, professional and caring about planning and putting in place a plan for my recovery. His knowledge encouragement and humor kept me on track the road of getting better. I am most appreciative and thankful.
That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured-these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
HAVING MADE our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.
He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.
If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.
We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.
We know these suggestions are sometimes difficult to follow, but you will save many a heartbreak if you can succeed in observing them. Your husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience. This may lay the groundwork for a friendly talk about his alcoholic problem. Try to have him bring up the subject himself. Be sure you are not critical during such a discussion. Attempt instead, to put yourself in his place. Let him see that you want to be helpful rather than critical.
Many alcoholics are enthusiasts. They run to extremes. At the beginning of recovery a man will take, as a rule, one of two directions. He may either plunge into a frantic attempt to get on his feet in business, or he may be so enthralled by his new life that he talks or thinks of little else. In either case certain family problems will arise. With these we have had experience galore.
The head of the house ought to remember that he is mainly to blame for what befell his home. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. But he must see the danger of over-concentration on financial success. Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.
Presently the man did slip and was fired. Following his discharge, we contacted him. Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. He is undoubtedly on the road to recovery. To me, this incident illustrates lack of understanding as to what really ails the alcoholic, and lack of knowledge as to what part employers might profitably take in salvaging their sick employees.
Perhaps you have such a man in mind. He wants to quit drinking and you want to help him, even if it be only a matter of good business. You now know more about alcoholism. You can see that he is mentally and physically sick. You are willing to overlook his past performances. Suppose an approach is made something like this:
If your man accepts your offer, it should be pointed out that physical treatment is but a small part of the picture. Though you are providing him with the best possible medical attention, he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business.
Your man may be trusted. Long experience with alcoholic excuses naturally arouses suspicion. When his wife next calls saying he is sick, you might jump to the conclusion he is drunk. If he is, and is still trying to recover, he will tell you about it even if it means the loss of his job. For he knows he must be honest if he would live at all. He will appreciate knowing you are not bothering your head about him, that you are not suspicious nor are you trying to run his life so he will be shielded from temptation to drink. If he is conscientiously following the program of recovery he can go anywhere your business may call him.
It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!
Welcome back to the Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast, EPISODE #134 with Kristen Holmes[i], the VP of Performance Science with WHOOP,[ii] a wearable personal fitness and health coach that measures sleep, strain and recovery.
I want to thank you very much Kristen, for your time to speak with me and dive a bit deeper into the WHOOP device for personalized training, sleep and recovery insights. If people want to learn more about coming on as a member, I have the website in the show notes, and do you have any final thoughts? Thank you!
Dr. Dan Stickler: So welcome to Collective Insights. I'm Dr. Dan Stickler, the medical director of Neurohacker Collective, and I'm here hosting the podcast today. And I've got a very special guest, a very good friend of mine, Kyle Kingsbury. He's a former football player with Arizona State and a retired American mixed martial artist. And while fighting at his highest levels, and during his sporting career, he really became fascinated with nutrition, performance, and recovery. Since his MMA retirement, his focus has shifted to learning more about longevity, plant medicine, and inner space. And I have to say, Kyle, that does not do justice for you, man. Kyle is truly one of the few super special human beings that I know. And I have had the honor of knowing him for several years now, and always enjoyed spending time with him, and I was excited to have this conversation. We were forced into it, because we haven't been making time to have our conversations lately.
And we also had this giant cold tub that was 40 degrees year round. And it could fit 10 or 12 of us in at the same time. These are big dudes, so it was really cool. But we got to have that, I was getting massages, even though I think I was second or third string, most of my career. And I got to see like, "Oh, I'm actually optimizing in a way, because I can check in on calories, I can count the macros, I can make sure I'm gaining weight appropriately just by the numbers, and I can train myself appropriately. And then I have the recovery aspects baked into the equation." And so when I left that and got into fighting, I was trying to take as much of that as I could. ASU was turnkey. That's something that a lot of guys don't realize from fighting is that, when we get into that, there's no universal how-to guide for mixed martial arts because it's so brand new.
So it's not like everyone does strength training this way. And it is not even on the same team. I trained with some of the best guys in the world, King Velasquez, who was a heavyweight champ. Daniel Cormier, one of the best of all time, light heavyweight and heavyweight champ. Luke Rockhold, middleweight champ. And all of us did different strength and conditioning, all of us had different recovery styles. And because of that, that really forced me to think. And then research. I didn't have the wrestling repertoire that Cormier and King had. I didn't have the jiu jitsu background of Luke Rockhold. And I needed it. I absolutely needed any edge that I could give myself, and thankfully due to podcasting, I was able to learn about these guys. I was able to find out about Dr. Kelly Starrett, who I think ran MobilityWOD at the time. He wrote the book Becoming a Supple Leopard, absolutely fantastic. A head to toe guide on how to do physical therapy for yourself, and maintain your body, and proper mobility, and range of motion. 2b1af7f3a8